Friday, July 15, 2011

How to Make Guys Not Stare at Your Goodies and What To Do When They Do

I've always said that I want to be the girl that guys want to marry, not the girl they want to sleep with. Why? Because sleeping around sounds like a lot of work! But more importantly because I want men to desire my heart and not my body. (Also because Banana Republic and Ann Taylor send me coupons more often than Body Central or where ever you get "club clothes")

Men so often take the heat for not treating women with respect. The blame the get is most certainly justified and well deserved. But women are doing nothing to thwart the disrespect and unwanted attention. We need to respect ourselves before we can demand respect from men.

That girl dancing on the bar wearing no more than a dress (thats really a shirt) and less than appropriate undergarments probably doesn't have a very high self worth. Or the woman with fake boobs, bigger than regulation NBA basketballs, who comes to the pool in a neon thong bikini, probably, deep down, doesn't think very highly of herself.

When we dress this way, we attract douche bags. If you dress like you respect yourself, i'll bet you'll attract a decent guy. (Definition of a decent guy: doesn't wear Ed Hardy, doesn't drink out of a keg, funnel, test tube, etc.)

When we dress like street walkers, we are (in a sense) "asking for it". Don't ask me why men stare at you and women talk about you behind your back when you're wearing shorts with a 4 centimeter inseam and a tank top from Baby Gap. I'll tell you that you need to quit dressing/acting like a bimbo and that you should quit pretending to be stupid. If you're not pretending, then you should pick up a book or turn on the news (not the naked news).

Don't let your "daddy issues" be the reason you dress like a stripper. Dress like you have a Father, even if the only good one you have is your Heavenly one.

Women are to be sought after and desired!! How can we be that if we let it all hang out and show off all our goody snacks? Instead of PLAYING hard to get, why don't we BE hard to get?!?! Be a good woman! Be a woman worth pursuing. Teach men to respect you by respecting yourself.

You are so much more than just an object. Your body is beautiful. It needs no enhancements, reductions, lifts, tweaks, fixes, or whatever!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

What Women Really Want: A Reponse to "What Men Really Want"

I am positive that good men exist. I know that God has an extraordinary plan for me and there is someone out there for me that will make me so so happy one day. I am also positive that God has a sense on humor based on my successful dating history (the last part of that statement is most definitely a joke). Boys are frustrating, so frustrating. You want to be in control all the time, but when its time to pick where we go for dinner, you're all about letting us choose. Its exhausting. But when I read things like "What Men Really Want" by Max Dubinsky I am reminded that I will more than likely NOT be a crazy spinster lady with 12 cats.

Men always say that women are such complicated creatures. And we are, we totally are. But even if we draw you a map and all of our cards are on the table, the question still remains. "What do women really want?" is one of the most googled phrases year after year. We can tell you exactly the type of man that we want. I could make a list of 20 characteristics that I wish for in a man, but those suck. And crap like that is going to get us anywhere. (Actually this blog probably won't "get us anywhere" either...)

At the end of the day all women want is a gentleman. Shocking stuff, huh? And there are so many aspects that involve being a gentleman. Society defines "gentleman" as someone who holds the door or the guy that doesn't try to feel on your hiney before date #3. And those are both great qualities!! But there is so so so much more to it.

Disclaimer: This is not geared towards any one in particular. Seriously, it's not. Please don't whine to someone that I'm blogging about you.

Being a gentleman mean that you are timely. This particular quality has many meanings.

Be on time. Don't make me late for something. I don't want to wait. I'll do the same. If I say I'll be ready in 30 minutes, I'll be ready... in 25 minutes.

Know how to manage your time. I expect anyone that I date or spend time with to allow me to hang out with my friends as I please and I definitely allow the same for him and his friends. I'm all about "bros before hoes" (although i'm not so fond of being called a hoe) and vice versa. But I also believe that if you want to get to know someone, you will make time to do so. When you like someone, you want to spend time with them. The people that I hang out with on the regular, I have have spent thousands of hours with. So when you have plans to go see a movie with your girlfriend, but your BFF calls and asks if you want to go steal street signs, say "no". First off, thats illegal. And secondly, I'll bet your BFF isn't going to hold your hand or want to be your girlfriend. If so, get some new friends, thats odd. Make time for people that you care about, regular friends and special friends alike.

But more importantly...

Know when the time is right for you to "start something". Don't pursue someone or something that you don't plan to continue. That being said, you don't need to marry everyone that you go on a date with. But if you aren't ready for or looking for a relationship, I find it very safe to say that you should just stay away from girls until you are. Don't spend countless hours with someone, text them from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, bring them around your family, or say things like, but not limited to, "I like you so much". And when you finally decide to tell them that you aren't ready for something so serious or that the timing just isn't right, don't expect to be their favorite person or for them not to hate your stinking guts and be completely and utterly pissed with you. You are a douche bag if you do this.

Along with this sentiment, if you have something good, don't just let it go. Because when things seem to be going so well, then you pull the "timing" card... well I'm just gonna go ahead and call BS on that one.

*You would be surprised how many guys are horrible with timing, particularly when it comes to pursuing someone when they aren't ready for anything :). Make up your minds, boys!!!

*Again, this is not geared to any certain person in particular. Just my thoughts and feelings on what a gentleman is. Though it is based on past experience.

That being said, maybe its me?! Maybe I am a giant red flag to guys? I mean I don't ask to have our actual relationship status posted all over Facebook. I don't ask for you to take me out to dinner every night. I don't start looking at engagement rings until at least the 3rd date. And I don't start the wedding planning until a whole month of dating!! Come on!

A true gentleman knows how to pay a woman a compliment.

I don't expect you to notice my $110 Jessica Simpson pumps, but it is very nice to hear how beautiful you think I look when we go out.

Saying how nice a girls butt looks in those jeans does not count as a compliment. Or how you want to "tap that"... not very chivalrous.

**Obviously, you would only do this when you actually thought I looked pretty.

I don't need you to pay me endless compliments every 5 seconds, after all, that is why we have gay friends. And that is why I spend an hour in front of the mirror in the mornings... to tell myself everything that I love about me.

I dated a guy who turned out to be a complete tool (story of my life) and I have nothing else nice to say about him except for the fact that he always told me how beautiful he thought I was. No matter how little or how much make up I had on and no matter what I was wearing. Even looking like a scrub in my sweat pants.

Bonus Points: If you tell a girl you think she is beautiful in front of her parents.

A true gentleman is confident!

Confidence is such a multi faceted thing. There are so many ways a guy can show how confident he is.

*There is a huge difference between confidence and arrogance.

A man can be confident by dressing well. There is even a a song that says so! "Every girl's crazy about a sharp dressed man!" I won't get too much into this because this is a whole other blog.

No one is expecting their boyfriend to look to Balenciaga or Marc Jacobs Spring/Summer Menswear show to fashion inspiration, but next time we drag you to the mall pay attention to the window displays at J Crew. Or instead of hitting on me in the U Scan line at Harris Teeter, put down your 24 pack and pick up a GQ or MensHealth and flip through there for a minute.

Here is a list of DONTS:

-Black Socks- Even Lebron and Dirk wear white socks. But if you have to, never wear them outside of a basketball court.

-Cargo Shorts- You do not have enough cargo to justify that many pockets. A flat front, NO PLEATS, khaki will do just fine for your wallet, keys, and cell phone.

-White Tennis Shoes- Are you 70?

-Sperrys- If you are a sailor, have at it. If not, head to your nearest Johnston and Murphy and buy yourself a nice pair of loafers. THESE ARE NOT DRESS SHOES!!!?!?! How many times do I have to say it?

Below are links to how you should dress... I'm sure you'll watch them.

A gentleman never puts himself down.

I'm not hanging out with you because I'm bored. There is obviously SOMETHING I like about you.

I don't care if you think your 6 pack could be more defined. You sound conceited when you say things like that. Though, I wouldn't complain if you did work on correcting that horrible flaw.

I know that Gods plan is so much bigger than me! There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that there are so many great guys out there! I know that someone will make me so so happy and there is someone out there who wants to be incredible for me! So guys, don't be douche bag. I'll tell everyone I know that you are.